in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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