So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
