i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
