Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
