i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I need to calm my uterus...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
