just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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