Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
