Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
