alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
