So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
