So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
