just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
