maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
