the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
