you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
