If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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