It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize