apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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