maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
