Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
