Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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