the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
