well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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