I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
