My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
