Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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