i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
