Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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