Your face is a jimmy john
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
