I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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