I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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