yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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