Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
