I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
