im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
