Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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