last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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