NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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