Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
