this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
