god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
