Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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