Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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