Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize