The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
