last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
