that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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