Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
