well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
