My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
