he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
