Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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