That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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