dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
