his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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