Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
