i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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