He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
there is glitter all over my balls
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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