I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize