Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
