Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
