the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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