I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
