these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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