I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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