I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
