Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
