He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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