3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
