Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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